Very excited to kick off the Powerful Poetry series with a piece by my close friend Lina Akkerman. Raw, honest, and vulnerable, her piece sets the tone for the rest of the series.
- It’s a form of punishing yourself, she says.
- The way you used to hurt me is no longer enough. I need more. I need to be punched and whipped with an open belt and the men think they hurt me, but it doesn’t hurt enough for me to stop thinking about you. I laugh so they will hit me harder, but they just ask, what the fuck is wrong with you?
- The way I argued with the ex is an extension of how I argued with my mother, she says.
- Women hurt me better. They hit and bite the inside of my thighs; grab my face with both hands when they kiss me. Leave pretty bruises for me to see when I study myself in the mirror, when I sit on the toilet to pee.
- Sometimes I cry when I smoke a cigarette at my window. Sometimes when I sit on the toilet to pee. When I clean try to clean my apartment. When I get fucked and beat good. Good girl.
- I was prescribed anti-depressants and they made me not able to cry. That scared me, so I told.a. I’ve leveled out and am able to cry again, I cry everywhere.
I can’t stop punishing myself.
About the Author: Lina Akkerman is a writer and activist who lives in Queens with her dog Zadie. She was born in Brooklyn to Ukranian parents.